Thursday, July 25, 2019

Empty Time Angst

Hi.

I got back from my mini solo tour gone awry.  I was feeling ok about not going to Wisconsin.  I was already planning another trip to visit my sister and my son in September.  I had a wedding to attend so I had already had it on my calendar.  No big deal.

But -- I came home.  Most of my friends had left town.  Even those that don't go north for the Summer were gone for a few weeks.   I went a whole week without a social dinner... well, almost a whole week.  And for me that is something.  I felt funny.  I started questioning all my life choices.

Do I want to move?
Do I want to get a trailer and travel the country?
Do I still want to write and publish books?
Am I really any good or are my friends just being nice?
Maybe I should get a REAL job with a pay check.
If so, then I will have to move, right? Since there are no jobs that pay in Citrus County, Florida.
Maybe I need a house-mate to share this big space with me.

Wa wa wa... I felt tears in me, wanting to get out.  Just like so many days when I was caring for George and saying the long-slow goodbye.  What is that all about?

One of the things that was also feeding this crazy thought loop was that each day I would check the sales on my books and they had fallen to zero.  ZERO!!!  So much effort and ZERO.

I had heard that sales fall off after Amazon runs your kindle for free for a while.  I had done the free 3 days at the end of June.  Was that it?  They didn't tell me how long do the sales sag after a give-away period.

I don't know.  I even sat still for 20 minutes.  You know, meditated.  I should do that every day, I know.

Ok, so that was LAST week.

THIS WEEK


I started reaching out to plan social activities for my evenings.  Bam bam bam, stuff fell into place and I even got invites too.  So only one night this week is on my own.  Pretty cool.

And I made a new shorter video to use in a Facebook advertisement.  I am targeting non-fiction readers.  I added a picture that Gabriella took of me at my speaking event last month.  And a quote that Audrey left in a review or comment.  I like it so much.  I was hoping to show pictures of the trikes so the viewer would get an impression of the bicycle part of our journey in the first book.  They didn't show up so good.

Let me know what you think.  Each change I make is going to cost a bit for the artist to make the change.  But let me know anyway, in the comments.




I am interviewing Audio-book readers to turn the first book into an audio-book.  I don't know if I should.  But I am moving in that direction, investigating, learning.

NOW


We are having a lot of rain here.  Tonight I am going to meet some neighbors at a Mexican restaurant nearby.

And now I am feeling a bit better.  Each morning I am trying to re-write my to-do list so I can see all the things that were done that I don't have to continue adding to the list.

This morning I attended a breakfast networking meeting.  They were promoting a conference called Global Leadership.  I have signed up for a Woodstock event put on by the group I joined, "Sisters on the Fly".

LOOKING FORWARD


For now I am NOT getting a camper, I am NOT moving.

I AM looking for a housemate to help share this 4-bedroom townhouse full of my stuff.  I am NOT polishing my resume but I am open to a summer job next summer.



OH!  And I am planning on trying to fly my trike again to some place this fall.  I am thinking I haven't visited my brother and his wife yet since he moved to Arizona.  Different airline this time, and definitely I will have a PLAN B in case they reject the trike.




2 comments:

  1. Sue, even though there is an age difference our journey's have so many similarities especially in the emotional department. While its only been 5 1/2 months since Russ passed I find myself going from being fine to a whole boat load of questions and feeling down and then, something sparks and I'm off and running again. Maybe that's the way it is for a time. I am with you in spirit and so glad you share. Your doing so has been a tremendous help to me and I'm sure many others. ~ Audrey

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    Replies
    1. It is nice to know you are there experiencing similar things. I understand grief (and adjusting to changes) is not a straight line but comes with ups and downs and surprising turns in thought and emotions. Thanks for looking at my whining and silly decisions and not being critical. We are helping each other by our acceptance and love. You radiate a comforting light.

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