The last time I wrote to you I was just writing about the books and not about what is going on with me. Sorry, that is what happens with a passion and project that needs to be spread to have an impact.
So, what IS happening.
THE GUYOK. In the video count-down to launch of kindle version of THE JOURNEY CONTINUES, I mentioned that I got a call from a guy a week after Thanksgiving wishing me, "Happy Thankgiving". He stuttered and was nervous (or pretended to be) and I engaged him in conversation a bit to kind of ease the tension and show him I wasn't going to bite.
I didn't know what to think about this interest in me. It is over a year and a half since George passed. Some friends asked me if I would ever want a relationship with a man again. I told them, "NO!" pretty fast and pretty decisive.
But then this guy called and showed an interest and I started to run through my head the pros and cons.
The guy eventually invited me to dinner and I said I would meet him for coffee so we can get to know each other.
I wanted to meet him at the coffee shop or walk to the shop together.
He refused telling me he wanted to drive me, he was a Southern Gentleman, he said, and that is what he does.
My guess is he doesn't walk that far (1.5 miles). He lives in my neighborhood and I never have seen him walking, not even to the mailbox.
I wanted to cancel then. Two alarms went off in my head. 1) I have no interest in a man who is not active as a biker or hiker or weightlifter or whatever. 2) He is making this feel like a "DATE" and I don't want it to feel like a date because I know nothing about the guy.
We bikers are the "young-old" and this man was most likely among the "old-old". But I thought what harm is it in making a new friend? Who knows, we may both like x or y or z and be able to enjoy that together.
The day before our coffee meeting, he called to confirm. Again I tried to get him to meet me at the coffee shop. He didn't know where it was. I said, "I don't know you, I would feel more comfortable meeting you there."
He said, "I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't swear. I don't like women who swear."
HA! I thought, "I have an out!" I debated about swearing up a streak right there and then on the phone, I really did!
The night before he was to arrive at my door and pick me up I was tossing and turning and cussing up a storm. How dare he push down my every protest.
How dare he deliver his book to me and encourage me to read it, and then when I offer to give him one of my books he says, "Oh, I don't have time right now!" and then never ask about my writing, my book, my life, my passions.
"Chauvinist, narcissistic pig," I tossed and turned and ranted on. (His book was awful, by the way, in desperate need of editing.)
The morning hours before he showed up I worried that he would show up with a button down shirt and flowers. So when he showed up in t-shirt and shorts I threw up my arms and cheered. Ha ha. Later he told me he had planned on a sport coat and his daughter advised him on what to wear.
We went to coffee, we had NOTHING in common... except we both drink coffee. He doesn't exercise, he hates all people of a faith different than Christian, and he thinks that the Mayor (or was it a governor) that criminalized homelessness was a hero. I didn't mind debating with him because I really didn't care. So we had a nice civil discussion.
When we got done he wanted to graduate to a dinner date. Had I disagreed with him too gently?
I said, "No, I am content with my life and I don't wan to date." He respected that and said he would not call me again and would leave it to me to call him if I ever wanted to go out to dinner sometime.
Except that now I am wondering... if there really was a healthy, active, person out there who wanted someone to kayak with or walk with or travel to places with... No sex, I am done with that. Hormones are kaput.
Which makes me think that in younger years it was all about the attraction. In my 20's I didn't care if we had anything in common. In my 20's if I was attracted to them, that was the decision maker. Back then I might have molded myself into the person they desired.
Whew... I like it better this way! I love feeling strong about who I am and what I like. I may be wishy-washy about a lot of decisions, but push my women's-liberation button and I rise up to fight.